Saturday, 28 July 2007
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Currently Listening
Yourself or Someone Like You
By Matchbox Twenty
see relatedlately, i've been very sensitive to putting myself on the line. i have walked out on a limb in so many different areas of my life, and i feel like none of them have proven to be successful. maybe there's such a thing as conservatism for sake of living in hope. i know God says that we will step out of our comfort zones to be a Christian called by faith, but i'm tired... and quite frankly God, i just don't see the return on investment (the only thing i learned in 2 semesters of accounting).
i'm taking inventory on my personal life and i'm cutting back on relational purchases. no longer will i reach out to be denied. i've always said that i'm a person that thrives on the interpersonal, but it just seems to be costing me far more than i imagined. but Jesus was the perfect example, right? He put His whole life on the line for relationship with the people of this world, and was denied. so maybe i should just turn the other cheek and thrust my pride to the side... lose all to gain the chance for one fellow man in my life. but i'm just not buying it right now. i want to say that the hearts of my Brethren are worth more to me than any real peace of mind, but i have to admit that i'm losing my mind. your hand in mine is proving to be more trying than what i thought was worth all my time. i want to love, but i don't want to be left open wide. what a selfish way to offer my heart. i'm sorry to those that deserve far more from this side.
i just need a new reason why.
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Comments (1)
Oh, my heart breaks for you today.....I guess over all the pain that relationships cause....all the work that goes with them and that fatal moment when you realize that the return isn't worth the investment. It's crushing to think you have finally some measure of success at this real-life-relationships thing, and then to find out it's beyond your grasp. Maybe I'm just talking for me here...I don't know... You are so so special (and I don't mean in the short-bus sense ;) ) and I want you to always know that. I hope for our friendship, that we can learn from each other and maybe have the understanding from each other that it seems so hard to find. I hope....
ps-one of my roomie's friends that left back to SK gave us a piano that she didn't want to deal with....you should bring your guitar some time....relax into music....I'm seriously thinking about getting a book of one of Sara Groves albums....we'll see....
take care of yourself, hon Much love ~A